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1.
Fulfilling the role of grieving "helplessness."
Many
people feel so devastated and overwhelmed at a time of
death that they assume they should leave all funeral planning
to the funeral director. Said one mortician, "That's
like giving the funeral director a blank check."
Being actively involved in funeral planning can be very
therapeutic, and you won't be grieving over the bill later.
2.
Guilt or proof of love.
People
often think that how much they spend is a demonstration
of how much they love someone. And spending is often used
as a way to make up for perceived omissions—"I
should have visited the nursing home more often."
3.
Poor family planning.
When
Mom dies, it may be altogether too easy to say, "I
want one just like Dad's funeral," without looking
at the actual cost to see if that would make a difference.
If Mom had always said she wanted something "simple"
and you aren't sure what she meant, you may end up purchasing
a great deal more than something truly "simple."
Or perhaps Mom told everyone what kind of funeral she
wanted, but she had no idea that it would cost far more
than anyone could afford. One gentleman was still paying
for his wife's funeral eight years later.
4.
"What will other people think?" Fear of being
"different" or "cheap."
Funeral
sales literature today commonly refers to a "traditional"
funeral package (meaning elaborate and a good profit margin
for the mortician), with one funeral often looking just
like the next. Families can enjoy making their own traditions.
A unique and personalized memorial observance is what
others will remember.
5.
Status in the community.
One
may feel obligated to put on a big "show" when
the deceased has been prominent during his or her lifetime.
For the cremation of the author of The American Way of
Death, Jessica Mitford's family spent just under $500.
Shortly thereafter, they hosted a grand memorial gathering.
It was very much in keeping with Jessica's disdain of
lavish funeral merchandise but love of a good party.
6.
Didn't shop around for a funeral home with ethical prices.
Many
assume a funeral will cost just about the same anywhere.
Or perhaps there's only one funeral home nearby, so why
bother. Surprisingly, you can save thousands of dollars—if
you take the time to get prices before the moment of need.
If you are choosing body donation or an immediate burial
or cremation, without any funeral rituals at the mortuary,
then it may not matter how far away the funeral home is.
7. Failure to get or read the price list.
This
is related to the previous item but is especially important
if you choose a funeral home without shopping around.
The Federal Trade Commission protects a consumer's right
to choose only those funeral goods and services you want.
Although some funeral homes are not yet in compliance
with the required price disclosure in a clear format and
may not give the price list in a timely way, anecdotal
reports indicate that many consumers aren't reading the
information when they do get it. Sometimes price is not
the issue when making funeral choices, but, if it is,
the General Price List will let you see what each choice
will cost before you decide.
8. Legal misinformation.
Most
people don't know what the laws are. Embalming is not
routinely required, for example. Some circumstances may
precipitate the need for embalming, but in no state is
it necessary when burial or cremation is planned within
a day or so. Some cemeteries may require a grave liner
or vault, but not all. There is no state law that does.
Most people also don't know that in 42 states a family
or church group may handle a death without the use of
a funeral home.
9. Ill-informed about deceptive funeral practices.
Although
the Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule says that
morticians may not lie to consumers, many are using devious
ways to suggest that some caskets are "protective"
while others are not. In a sealer casket, just about the
same thing happens to a body as in an "unsealed"
casket, except that it's a different group of bacteria
that do the work. Sealer vaults, likewise, give no advantage
except to the income of the funeral director.
10.
Ill-informed about the true cost of caskets and other
funeral merchandise. "You get what you pay for."
Most
people know what's involved in growing a head of lettuce
or a few tomatoes and would think $10 each was an outrageous
price; they probably would stop buying them. Yet few consumers
realize that caskets are usually marked up 300-500% or
more. A casket that is listed for $1,295 at the funeral
home might wholesale for only $325. That same casket is
probably available from a casket retailer for $650.
11. Not asking enough questions.
If
a funeral home price list includes a statement regarding
cash advance items that reads: "We charge you for
our services in obtaining these items," did you realize
that the funeral director will be making a profit on placing
the obituary, for example—something you could have
done yourself? You've been warned in writing, but how
much extra will that cost? If the General Price List shows
that caskets begin at $595, did you ask to see one if
it was not on display?
12. Skilled (or manipulative) sales tactics of the mortician.
The
industry knows that most people pick the price in the
middle. Therefore, few casket displays will have the low-cost
ones included, assuring that the "middle" casket
yields a good profit for the mortuary. If you have chosen
cremation, you may be told you must purchase an urn or
temporary container. Not true. Or maybe it's a little
more subtle—"Now it's time to pick out the urn."
Remember:
Undertakers are business folks who deserve to be paid
for what they do. However, it is your job, as a funeral
consumer, to be well-educated about your funeral choices,
to determine the kind of funeral or memorial service that
meets the needs of your family, and to locate an ethically-priced
facility that will honor your choices with caring and
dignity.
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